chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got inside last night via doggy door
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
