The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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