i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
