can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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