So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize