so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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