Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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