i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize