Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
