i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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