i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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