Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
