i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my shit smells like andre
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
