I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
