we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
