I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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