I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
