quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
