Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
