life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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