I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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