he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
