If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
