I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
