I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
