One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
