He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
