you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
