i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
