Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
