i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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