my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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