im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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