when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to make out with him forever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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