Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
