My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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