oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
