I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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