Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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