i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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