just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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