Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize