She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
