Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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