Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
