Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
