What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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