maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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