Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
