he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
