first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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