ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
