Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
