She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
