i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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