Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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