we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
