quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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