I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
