Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
