He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
