he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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