K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
