I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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