ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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