i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
