i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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