i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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