i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
