oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
