4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
