I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The struggles of a small town man whore
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
