I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
