Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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