i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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