Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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