Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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